Emma's Story

On Saturday, I met Emma, who teaches here at one of Kenya’s public universities.   A lecture she just gave on relationships between men and women was a catalyst for her to retrieve memories from a part of her past she had buried deeply away.  Her experience includes significant lessons to be learned, and she just came to the conclusion that it is time to share.

Here is her story.

Emma, a strong and articulate African American woman about my own age, grew up in South Carolina.  She moved to the Mid-West as a young adult and was working at a state university where she met a lovely man and married him.  On their wedding day, he told her that he had been married before.  Although Emma was somewhat shocked he had not told her earlier, they married as planned.  In the next few years, they had two daughters.

At first, her husband was caring and thoughtful, but as time moved on there were increasing signs that troubled Emma.  He was very controlling and became more and more demanding.  He began to criticize her for odd things and make unreasonable accusations. 

Seven years after they were married, Emma's husband threatened her life and she fled with her daughters.  Emma subsequently learned from her husband’s family that he had a lifelong history of mental health issues; although he was on medication in the past to mitigate the impact on his behavior, he had stopped taken the medication several years earlier. 

When Emma tried to go to the police, they laughed at her and said her husband hadn’t done anything to warrant their involvement.  Emma ultimately was forced to come out of hiding when her husband filed for custody rights.  Although the girls continued to live with Emma in a secure location, they saw their father on week-ends.

Emma’s family scheduled a family gathering in South Carolina, and her husband asked that he, Emma and the little girls attend as a family.  Emma repeatedly refused his requests, pointing out that she had a restraining order that he stay away from her.

The week before the family event, her husband unexpectedly picked up the girls from day care, but did not bring them home to Emma.  Instead, he started driving to South Carolina.  Along the way, he turned off and drove down a side road that ended at the river.

He drugged his daughters and created a car bomb.  He put a gun in his mouth and when he pulled the trigger, the car exploded.  All three of them died.

Emma’s family and her faith sustained her through that horrifying personal loss, and the inevitable torrent of emotions – grief, loss, guilt and anger.  Decades later, her faith is stronger than ever and she welcomes what the world brings her every day.  She is warm, interested, involved and full of humor.

In the early 90’s, Emma moved to Kenya to teach and to work with humanitarian organizations.  She has been here since.  She hopes to open a child’s bookstore here in Nairobi in memory of her babies.